I have to start by sending a huge and resounding THANK YOU into the internet abyss for all of the support.
Sharing a portion of what we have been going through over the last few months was an attempt to personally acknowledge what was happening and get it off my chest. I never realized how healing it would be.
I didn't realize how much I was holding inside and how much it was affecting me. It is crazy how something new and scary can completely change how you cope/not cope with life in general. I feel like I was shutting down in a lot of ways-staying inside all the time, super protective of my kids, procrastinating, feeling impatient with others around me, not returning calls or texts, essentially checking out of life for a little while. I was getting tired of people asking me about Indie and having to re-live EVERYTHING that was hurting me the most, while trying to keep a smile on my face and respond with positivity.
When I started writing about our experience, it was surprisingly relieving to just get it out of my head! It obviously wasn't written with the most eloquence, but there was a lot of emotion that was released with every word that was typed. The real surprising part, however, hadn't even happened yet. After we posted online, we received TONS of messages, emails, phone calls and texts. At first it was really uncomfortable. We weren't trying to draw any attention to ourselves, but after a while we found that it was INCREDIBLY healing to know that others were sharing in our emotion and wanting the best for us. We were being completely supported and it gave us the courage that we needed to make some hard decisions regarding the next steps in Indie's healing process.
I have heard people say that they have 'felt the prayers' that people prayed on their behalf. To be honest, I've never really known what that meant. I can honestly say that all the well wishes, prayers, fasts, sacrifices and positive vibes that were sent into the universe have COMPLETELY been felt. It's CRAZY!
The day that we posted our story-Indie took a turn for the worse. She was vomiting and on the toilet throughout the night and upcoming days, waking up several times to tell us that her tummy hurt and groaning in pain. These are typical symptoms that come when the bacteria is spreading through her body. We were feeling pretty scared. Not pretty scared....we were really scared.
After a couple days of this we started her on the medications. These particular meds are intense and suppose to make things worse. It is pretty much accepted that they make you nauseous, fever, lose your appetite, lose weight, vomit, be sleepy etc. We were preparing ourselves for a tough 18 months ahead filled with misery. The same day that we started the meds, however, Kyle's MPA program at school started a 40 day fast on Indie's behalf. Each day someone from the program fasted for her (it is still going on). They not only filled 40 days but filled more than 40 days and even have more than one person fasting on the same day! Our families and friends, also set aside a particular day to fast all together that Indie would be able to take the meds and we would be able to have the strength to handle the effects.
I don't believe that it is coincidence that Indie's vomiting, abdominal pain and other symptoms pretty much vanished the day she started taking these meds. She is sleepy-which makes her a little grumpy, and quite teary (she pretty much bursts into tears at the drop of a hat), she also complains that her body is aching- so we do little body rub downs throughout the day, but she really has been a champion! She has energy, she has a GREAT appetite-I would even say that it's increased! Her urine turns bright orange as a result of the meds, but she thinks that's awesome-so that's fabulous! She still wakes up in the night with discomfort but is settled much quicker. Overall it's a miracle. Seriously-you don't even know what kind of miracle this is!
As I have talked to people who have shown their love and concern, I've found myself getting stronger. I don't in any way want it to seem like I don't care, but I feel like my burden is being shared now and it makes things so much easier to handle. Everyone wants the best for her and our little family and I feel like it gives me so much strength.
Kyle and I still have a lot going on before the semester is through, but we have rebounded and are getting things done more positively. Sometimes I've felt guilty when people that I talk with are so concerned and I am able to just talk normally-I don't want it to seem like I don't care, or have lost feeling. I just have really felt the support of people around us and it has LITERALLY lessened my burden. Although we are still awaiting results from tests and have more tests to do in the near future, at this point we are feeling extremely hopeful.
Thank you so much for being a part of that.
I recently stumbled upon this video and felt totally comforted by it. Check out this Message of Hope I hope it brings some comfort for anyone out there also facing challenges right now!
This week we are meeting with the surgeon to verify the status of Indie's spleen and any potential surgeries in the near future. Keep your fingers crossed- More updates to come!
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